on hormones and has not had any surgery
On the other hand, I know a number of survivors of rape or sexual abuse who are into BDSM and who either feel that it has nothing to do with their past experiences, or that it may actually be therapeutic for them to work through with things in a situation where they are in total control. For some, the fact that BDSM places such clear emphasis on safety, consent, safewords, clear boundaries and so on is very positive. The Staci Haines book has some useful stuff on this.
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sex toys (And all the female partners you have may not want to have kids, either: being female doesn't mean we want to become pregnant or parent. So, saying that a female partner is who one has a family with also makes a lot of assumptions about women and what the wide range of women do and don't want.) I don't point something like that out to make you feel bad, just to show how internalized and pervasive these ideas can be, to the point that we might not even realize we have them. All of us do have some level of them. sex toys
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